Define "chronic" masturbator.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
