Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
