This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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