she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
