oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
