one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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