ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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