I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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