I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
