Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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