she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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