Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
