i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
