The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
