I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
