if only i could text you this smell
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
