i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
