9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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