I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
