I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
