The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
