i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
