The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
