There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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