he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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