someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
