where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
