I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
