During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
