My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
