piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
