Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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