is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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