don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
