I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
