Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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