Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
