Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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