Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
