I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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