Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
