1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
