Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
