Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
