I'll bet she douches with gravy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
