did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
