all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love you.
Bad choice
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
