I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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