He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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