I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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