I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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