My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
