I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
